Assumptions

“The simple believe anything, but the prudent give thought to their steps.” – Proverbs 14:15

Trust has always been promoted as a valuable element of a man’s character and rightly so, honesty and integrity are the backbone of genuine masculinity. As a young man I was always taught that trustworthiness was the rule of God-fearing men, as I matured and experienced real life, I found that to trust someone without them earning my confidence, is inviting them to blaspheme the sacred gift of faith you have handed to them on a silver platter.

Here in America, there is a certain amount of trust given unconditionally such as when driving the streets or freeways, you inherently trust that other drivers don’t want to crash into you, the bank teller isn’t handing you counterfeit bills, and the doctor’s diagnoses is correct and is prescribing the right medication. It’s comforting to know others are invested in your safety, but it’s  also a curse of not knowing if others are as well. The flaw of an over-trusting man is in assuming  your own trustworthy character reflects theirs also.

I can unashamedly admit those times when I lost the most, whether financial or relational, is when I made the terrible assumption that the value I put in trustworthiness was also their value as well. I have learned to trust my gut and not my heart, even the Holy Scripture warns us to “never trust your heart, the heart is deceitful and cannot be trusted”. Trusting your heart is the only option when you don’t have the facts, or even worse, when you refuse to acknowledge the ability to see the danger in trusting someone who has not earned your confidence. There is still a place for your heart to lead, but it’s not in trust because trust should never be confused with love. Love all, trust a few.

If we’re honest with ourselves, we may find the reason we may trust someone is because there is an ulterior motive, or something to gain from our blind trust such as investing in a sure thing and getting  ahead of the market or they act so sincere and trustworthy and all the other “get what you want quick” opportunities out there. At some point I was forced to find a balance between over trusting and trusting no one. When you find the value of trust is when you find there is no virtue or reward in automatically trusting someone, there is only profit in letting them prove they are trustworthy. Trust is the only treasure that grows in value the moment you see it.

Trust is a double-edged sword. You can choose not to trust anyone and save yourself potential loss and disappointment, or choose to trust others and see the eternal value that spoken words can hold between two people. Learning to trust is one of life’s most difficult tasks, right up there with learning to love, but to be trusted is a greater compliment than to be cherished. Trust is the fruit of a relationship in which you know you are truly loved.

Never trust someone who says "trust me" because they are asking for something that hasn’t been earned it and they are forced to ask for it for their own purposes. When I am deceived, I'm not so upset that they lied to me, but more from knowing I can no longer believe them and that suspicion carries onto others. Do not trust words, even question actions, but never doubt patterns and consider that anyone who doesn't take truth seriously in small matters cannot be trusted in large ones.

The amount of trust we’re willing to give can depend upon the situation. Do you trust a rope to secure a package just as much as to secure you while climbing a mountain side? Be careful with trust because it has a shelf life. It takes years to build, seconds to break and forever to repair. Trust has two dimensions: competence and integrity. We can forgive mistakes of competence. Mistakes of integrity are harder to overcome and when you completely trust someone without any doubt, you’ll automatically receive one of two things – a friend for life or a lesson for life.